Home

A question from OS

I downloaded your book on my Kindle and devoured it, so to speak. It was beautifully written, from the evocative portraits of your grandmother and mother, to the descriptions of family feasts and even your sketches of your two dogs in Detroit.

And, of course, I related to almost everything, from trying to "postpone" dates so I could lose 5 pounds in the interim to binge-fueled eating at my desk sessions trying to cope with the pressures of out-of-control job deadlines.

Most of all, I am in awe of how you finally managed to conquer the eating demons, since at age 54, I still struggle daily.

In the '90s, I had 6 or 7 bliss filled years - the Phen-Fen years - when I became effortlessly slender and, for the first time in my life, felt "normal." Nothing changed in my life in those years (same high-pressured job; same disappointing relationships), other than those two small pills, which obviously changed whatever brain chemistry was fueling my overeating. Suddenly, I was no longer "born round." I don't know if I did any permanent damage to my heart as a result of the Phen-Fen years (the cardiologist says no), but, in any event, I wouldn't give those blissful years back for anything. In the years since Phen-Fen was taken off the market, I am back to my old daily struggles.

Please keep blogging. As I said, I am in awe of how you have conquered the demons and you provide true inspiration to those of us still struggling.

Answer: 

The Phen-Fen part of your story makes me so angry (not at you) --- I feel that so many of us, in so many ways, have been sold quick fixes that had dark sides, side effects; that were crutches that wouldn't last; that kept us from doing the subtle, hard work that's the best way to take weight off and keep it off. I don't know, by the way, that I've conquered my demons. Just today I was at a family get-together, and I arrived pledging only "so much" food. I ate twice as much as I intended. It wasn't a ridiculous amount, but it was definitely too much. The difference between today and 10 years ago is that, having eaten that ridiculous amount, I didn't tell myself: OK, might as well just complete the binge and go all-out, because I'll fast tomorrow! I knew I wouldn't---won't---fast tomorrow. So I stopped at that amount, because I was indeed pretty full. And then, when I got home at 7, and all I wanted to do was start a book or play Scrabble on the computer or watch TV, and I felt I had too much food still in my stomach to exercise, I thought: no. Just 2.5 miles, quickly. And I went out and ran; in fact I just got back.

Anyway, the not-ratcheting-up the binge, the quick exercise --- they're both better than the alternatives. I want to believe that those sorts of small adjustments add up and matter.