A question from Fay
Dear Frank,
I just stumbled on your site here. Had never heard of your book, but am very intrigued. I'll pick it up soon!
In the meantime, here's a bit of background before I present my question. I have always struggled with weight. After counseling, research, countless doctors visits, and diagnoses with metabolic syndrome then diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, etc., I chose to have gastric bypass. In the last year, I have lost 75-80 pounds and over 85 inches. I have resolved the diabetes, no more high blood pressure, the depression is MUCH better, and I've gone from a size 24-26 to a 12. I have made exercise a part of my days and recently did the breast cancer 3 day walk (60 miles in 3 days). whoda thunk it. I feel extraodinarily lucky to have been able to have the surgery, and I have no regrets.
Ok, finally, here's my question: how do I work on my internal vision of myself, so it catches up with where my body is? I've asked friends to take pictures of me, try to look in every window/mirror I see (I'm really not narcissistic, either!) etc. Fitting into theatre seats and smaller clothes helps, but I just can't get my head around my new physical being.
So, info overload, maybe, but I'd love your take/advice.
Best,
Fay
Answer:
That's a tough question, Fay, and I have to say I'm not sure that my internal vision of myself has ever fully caught up with external reality. But I definitely, definitely made strides along those lines, and it was in part by trying, on occasion, to step outside of myself and look at the hard cold evidence: the clothes in my closet, which all bore tags with smaller sizes than they had during my heavier years; the toughness of the exercise I could do, and the contrast with how quickly I'd get winded when I was 65-70 pounds heavier.
There's a set of measurements and facts like that, and they won't instantly change your thinking, but if you keep reminding yourself of them, if you choose to focus on them, I think it does help somewhat. And it's a gradual thing: changed thinking, like changed behavior, doesn't happen overnight, and requires sustained effort, in my experience.
I also think that maybe, just maybe, there's some wisdom and value in sort of accepting the dichotomy you live with. In saying, "My self-image is heavy," and taking a bemused, somewhat detached perspective on that. This particular tangent I'm having a hard time explaining, but maybe you see what I'm getting at. I hope so. And I'm really happy for you that you lost all that weight and are feeling healthier, etc. That's fantastic.
